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I’m really not this bitter…promise!

With Saint Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I’m reminded of those days back in elementary school when we passed out Valentines to everybody in our class. Now, that was all fine and dandy back then because really, for the most part, you don’t really care whether you have a Valentine or now. You’re just in it for the candy. You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about those colorful little candies that do all the talking for you: conversation hearts.

One of my coworkers brought a whole bag of those hearts to work last week and shared them with the newsroom (she’s our resident candy lady). As I read the different hearts, I thought to myself that these would be great to share these sayings with somebody. But then I thought, as a single girl, none of these sayings applied to me.

Ex-nay on ove-lay!

Ex-nay on ove-lay!

This gave me (and my married candy-sharing coworker) an idea. Somebody should manufacture broken conversation hearts for all those bitter, single people out there. Not that I’m one of them. We’ve gone over this, remember? But I think it’s a good idea.

Can’t you just see it? Here are some examples of what the hearts would say:

  • I hate you.
  • Go to hell.
  • I want a divorce.
  • It’s not you.
  • It’s me.
  • You suck.
  • Suck it.
  • Fuck off.
  • Fuck you.
  • Baby daddy*
  • It’s not yours.**

*The candy lady’s idea.

**My idea.

My favorite is the fourth one with the complementing fifth one, of course.

The best part would be the fact that these candies wouldn’t be whole hearts but halves of broken ones so you can mix and match your sayings! So for example, with my favorite sayings it could indeed be you, not me.

What do you think?

I think they’d be fun and a lot of people would actually enjoy them. Instead of getting the regular hearts to remind you of what you’re missing out on, these broken ones will remind you of the bullshit you no longer have to deal with! Or, the stuff you don’t want to deal with anymore. These babies can be used as a break-up device (I would never recommend it, though. Suck it up and do it in person!).

So, this blog really made me seem anti-love and against relationships and whatnot. But I’m not, really. If you read me on a regular basis, you’ll know that I’m a romantic at heart. I just thought it’d be fun to act bitter and cynical for a bit.

❤ Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤


One comment on “I’m really not this bitter…promise!

  1. I like how we switched places there for a bit. And please patent this idea! I think it’d totally be something that they would sell in the UW book store or fuego or something! =)

    Oh and Sammi, it’s not you. It’s me.

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