One of my biggest fears in life is becoming a hypocrite.
When it comes to dating, relationships and all things romantic, I tend to have some very strong opinions about things. After my–admittedly, limited–experiences in the dating game (not to mention my obsession with romance novels), I know how I want a guy to treat me. I also know how I should and shouldn’t treat him (I never claimed to be perfect…that “sugar and spice and all things nice” stuff about girls isn’t always true…and ladies, don’t even think about getting mad at me for letting the secret out because the second you try to get me for it, you’ll have just proved me right). I feel like I know what I want in my other half and what I’d want out of our relationship.
This being said, having been single for more than two and a half years, I sometimes feel like I’ve forgotten what it’s like to date and be in a relationship.
For one, I’ve only been asked out once in my life. No joke. No date resulted (two high school freshmen from different schools with no car or driver’s license between them, you do the math), but almost two months later, we did end up becoming a couple (it was high school, these things just happened). Because I grew up with my ex, I never felt the need to flirt with him. We were together off and on for six years. So, by the time I was 20, I never really needed to learn how to flirt. And now at 23, I still haven’t learned how. And if I do flirt, it’s purely accidental.
Another possible problem I foresee is that if/when I finally start dating again, all those strong opinions of mine will just fly out the window. Looking back on my relationship with my ex, I see some things that went on that–in my opinion–I never should have put up with. There are also some things I did–both to make things him happy and to get my way–that I probably shouldn’t have done.
As much as I like to think I’ve learned from my experiences and from watching the drama my female companions have gone through when it comes to guys, I’m scared of becoming a doormat the second I start dating again–and turn into a hypocrite.
My single status has taught myself a lot about myself and what I want from life and I could only hope that when somebody finally comes into my life, those things won’t change.