Is heartbreak a two-way street?

Dating is not easy. Relationships can become complicated. And break ups can get messy.

I know this both from firsthand experience as well as secondhand experience through my sister and friends.

Now, it’s no secret that I’ve been single for quite awhile (nearly four years), so I can’t say my point of view on love is up to date. But from what I’ve heard, I don’t think I’m really missing much. This is probably because I don’t have any really close male friends, but in the three-plus years I’ve been unattached I’ve learned there are a lot of guys out there: Nice guys who turn out to be jerks; not-so-nice guys (assholes) who girls still fall for; guys who go back on their word; and guys who are just clueless.

Since the people I’m closest to and discuss relationships with are female, I can only present one side of the story. And I admit what I have to say is extremely one sided and biased. But it’s the only side I am privy to.

So what I want to know is, how much do guys invest in relationships and do they get hurt in the case of a breakup?

Obviously, this is a very broad and generalizing question. I know there are really great guys who are absolutely in love with their significant others and would be devastated if their relationships broke up.

But, where are they?

Seriously. In the last few years, I have heard so many stories about relationships. And in almost every one, she gets hurt and he ends up being the bad guy — both intentionally and unintentionally. Why is that? (I know there are just as many horrible, bitchy women out there who do the hurting, as there are horrible, jerky men, but I tend to not associate myself with those women.)

Why does it seem like we get hurt more than guys do when it comes to romance? Whether it’s merely hooking up and both parties know the score or it’s a committed, long-term relationship, lately, all I’ve been hearing is, “Guys will hurt you.”

I don’t mean for this post to sound all man-hating and guy-bashing. I have no problem with men. Some of my friends are in relationships with some really amazing guys. I’ll admit that spending too much time around women can make you crazy sometimes. And over the years, I’ve had some great male friends, but sadly, we’ve grown apart.

What I’m trying to say is that hearing all these stories from my girlfriends makes me sad for the male species if that’s all that’s out there. I believe everyone has the potential to be a great person (male and female) and it sucks when people don’t live up to it, which is what it feels like I’m hearing.

I’ve been feeling like this for awhile and this post has been kicking around in my head for a few weeks, but procrastinator (AKA journalist) that I am, I’ve been putting it off, repeatedly. But I’m glad I did because today, my sister sent me this.

After reading this, my faith in men — which had never left, but had just slightly wavered — was restored. I don’t mean to say I celebrated reading about his broken relationships. It was just nice to see that heartbreak is a two-way street and men can get affected by a breakup just as much as women.

It was nice to see we’re not alone and that our feelings can be returned.


4 comments on “Is heartbreak a two-way street?

  1. I am a strong believer that every person is put together by their own experiences & these experiences determine how they deal with pain & how much they allow others to hurt them. But in regards to the majority of men/women & how are viewed, this is how I feel about heartbreak…

    It is going to sound cliche, but I think men experience the same pain of a break up, they just feel like they have to be macho or something. Men endure more ridicule & have certain stigmas attached to “feelings”, that’s not to say that women have it easier than men it’s just… different.
    From what I have experienced & witnessed I’d have to say that, yes, women get hurt a little worse than men do, but to be completely honest I believe that women allow themselves to be hurt a bit more. I admire the idea of treating men & women equally, as far as rights go equality is great, but chemically & in turn emotionally men & women are drastically different animals.
    I think people can only be as hurt as they allow themselves to be, many women I know have a tendency to open themselves up to pain where men are a bit more cautious.

    … and then there are just those heartless types that seem to enjoy causing pain, but again I think that the men acting that way are just talked about more than the women who do the same thing. To me it’s all marketing & a matter of what is okay to talk about & who is allowed to talk about it!

    • Sandy, you make a good point. There is that stigma about men showing their feelings. I think it’s stupid, and would appreciate if the man I’m with would show how they feel every now and then. But there is a time and place for emotion — for both men and women.

  2. Honey, I don’t know if I’m cynical after my break up, but seriously,”Guys WILL hurt you”.

    Anyway, I’m really liking your blog! 🙂

    • We all have our cynical moments, especially after a break up. It’s understandable. We just can’t let cynicism take over our life. Because then, you’re in trouble.

      And thanks for dropping by my blog!

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