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Too loyal for my own good

“We’ve got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don’t think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort.” (said Harry)

. . .

Lupin was wearing an odd expression as he looked at Harry. It was close to pitying.

“You think I’m a fool?” demanded Harry.

“No, I think you’re like James,” said Lupin, “who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.”

Harry knew what Lupin was getting at: that his father had been betrayed by his friend, Peter Pettigrew.

Chapter five, Fallen Warrior, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”

One of Harry Potter’s greatest qualities is loyalty as the above excerpt shows. And I have to say that loyalty is something I don’t take lightly either. Once you become my friend, it takes quite a lot  for me to stop caring about you, even if I say I’ve stopped caring about you. Even if you’ve stopped caring about me.

While this is all well and good, I have gotten hurt pretty bad as a result of my loyalty. When I was in high school, I clung to a friendship when it was obvious the person had long cast me aside. I knew what was happening to our relationship, but I didn’t acknowledge it. This person and I rarely spoke or spent time together, yet I still considered them a close friend.

Thinking back about how I was then and how I am now, I can’t say I’m surprised that’s how I acted.

I’ve never had a lot of people I would call friends. I still don’t. I would say I have a few close friends and a fair amount of acquaintances. And that’s all I really need. I don’t do well in big crowds — it emphasizes my social awkwardness. I’m at my best when there are only a few people in my party — the social awkwardness doesn’t disappear, but it is less noticeable.

This being said, I have to say I feel like I’m setting myself up to be hurt once again.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my relationships lately and some of them really make me sad. I feel myself being written off despite me efforts not to be and I’m at a loss about what to do. As much as I think I should just say “forget it” since things really aren’t how they used to be, I can’t seem to walk away just yet.

Admittedly emo moment: Should I try to hang on a little longer in hopes to fix things or should I just cut my losses to avoid getting hurt?

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One comment on “Too loyal for my own good

  1. […] will be the first to admit I’m not perfect: I have no game; I tend to hold on to relationships (romantic and platonic) longer than I probably should; I’m not always the nicest person and I […]

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